How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Randomize
