they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
