I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
