This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Redeem this text for a blowjob
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
