the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm passing your future prison.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
