hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
