I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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