It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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