Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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