since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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