called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
