My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
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