i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
