left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
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It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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