A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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