i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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