Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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