His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
