Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
