Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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