they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
