If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
