Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
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