Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
you inspire me to be a worse person
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
