Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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