i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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