Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
