Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
