i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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