just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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