RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
