Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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