i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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