I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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