After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
