He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
