The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
