Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
