I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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