You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
