I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
