I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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