Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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