After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
