Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We need to get me chipped asap
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
