I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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