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• (804): View more from Virginia

  Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.

  (1-804): View more from Virginia

  U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"

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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"

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• (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.

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• (320): View more from Minnesota

  The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??

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• (402): View more from Nebraska

  My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.

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