Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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