yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
