Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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