remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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