Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
