Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
