On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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