I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
