I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
