Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
