Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
