So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
