Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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