I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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