Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
