Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
