Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
