the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
