Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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