she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Randomize
