I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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